Hello. My name is Alice and I am recovering from Christianity. I know that sounds horrible but it is true. I was a Christian for 20+ years before finally stepping back for a moment to acknowledge that it didn’t make sense because it is not true. Alice is not my real name. The reality is that leaving the Christian church is dangerous, at least in a social context. You will lose friends, social circles, even family. You choose logic, reason, and scientific evidence but end up on every prayer board from here to Timbuktu because you are obviously lost and in need of saving. You have left the flock (of sheep) and have turned your back on the shared belief system that once forbade you from having close friendships or relationships outside the church for fear of them leading you astray.
Well . . . now I am astray . . . and it is glorious. I have never felt more at peace since just accepting life as it is and taking each day as it comes. I am not looking forward to life after death, but instead looking forward to each new day of my life here on earth, the only thing I can be certain of. I am not accountable to a being or outside force keeping record of my deeds. I am accountable to myself and must face the consequences of my actions today. I am free to accept and love others in a way I thought impossible without God. As a Christian, I assumed God was love and love could not exist in a relationship or otherwise without a connection to God. I thought I loved others who were different from me, but in reality I pitied them as a prayed for them. I judged them and felt superior to them, holier than them because, in my mind, I was. I think back to some of the stuff I have said and done as a Christian, believing that God was backing me up, and I just want to cringe. I was a holy bitch and I’m sorry. I am so sorry.
Today, I have been a “nonbeliever” for about a year now. The farther I step from blind belief, the crazier it all seems to me and I can’t believe I ever bought into it at all. Little by little, I will try to dismantle my own theological assumptions on this blog and share my journey to disbelief with you. I know I can’t be the only one.